Birthdays...

I love birthdays.

I actually like other people's birthdays more because it's so fun to shower someone with affection. Not to say that I only make someone feel special on his/her birthday.  It's just an excuse to make a big deal about the special people in my life!

When it comes to my birthday, I tend to think a lot.  Memories.  Past birthdays.  The last 364 days. Life. I feel many emotions.  Conflicting ones.  Happy... excited... sad... nostalgic... wistful... grateful... confused...

A lot has happened this past year.  I actually do remember the moment the clock struck 12 last year and what I was doing.  So much has changed...and yet, there are still days when I'm quite overwhelmed by what my life is NOT that I can't quite catch my breath.  BUT there are also days I'm so incredibly glad for what my life IS that I want to do a happy dance.  I hope to have even more happy dance days this coming year!

One thing that I am reminding myself of these days, though, is that I should stop looking back so much.  It's good to be reflective--we need to do that from time to time.  I know I'm a more grateful, and thus happier, person because I take time to reflect on what's happening in my life.  But I find myself sometimes using the past as an excuse to basically not move forward.  I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I become paralyzed by fear and just want to stand still.  Even settle for something that I know isn't good for me (but is at least familiar).  Talk about self-sabotage.  Is this a sign that I'm getting wiser with age...that I recognize what I'm doing?  Hahahaha.  So my goal for this next year is to stop looking back so much.  Maybe look back to remind myself of why I'm grateful to be where I am now and what I am doing with my life.  Even though half the time I don't quite know what that is...but at least I have a chance to figure things out!  I'm still learning every day to be okay with whatever is ahead.  Life really is full of surprises...

I want to stop saying "I wish I really were 24."  (I don't even think I was particularly happy at 24!)  One thing for sure is that I did not have the great friends that I do have now, who lift me up and support me in a way that I wouldn't have known how to appreciate at 24.  It's so much more than having someone tell you things will be okay or someone to gossip with.  It's hearing comforting words from someone who has gone through her own trials.  It's feeling safe enough to share my insecurities with someone who accepts me and all my quirks.  It's having someone who will sit with me while I cry and not feel the need to say a single word.  It's having someone I can feel fat with and not feel bad about myself.  It's having someone who is more excited about my success than I am.  It's having someone who appreciates the way I see the world.  I think that is the beauty of getting older.  Your circle of friends.  I am really really grateful for girlfriends, some of whom I consider sisters.  I'm also learning to be friends with men, who anchor me in a way that women can't.  lol

I'm in the midst of applying to PhD programs and it is totally freaking me out.  I'm freaked out about getting in.  I'm freaked out about not getting in.  Hahahaha.  I'm a complete idiot.  I create these giant insurmountable obstacles when I try to anticipate "what's next."  Maybe I'm just going to have to (finally) accept that I'm not clairvoyant.  lol  Maybe I need to see uncertainty as opportunity.

(Okay, being the self-aware me, it's unlikely that I'll suddenly be this chill.  But I'm going to try to relax a bit this coming year.  Feel free to remind me that I had said this...I'll just feign selective amnesia...due to old age.)

Brunch at The Pawn

The Full English

black pudding--salty...

 

First photo with xmas tree of the season!

I love December

Because it's my birthday month (yes, MONTH) and it's Xmas. Happy to be spending it in HK this year with new friends. And my family. They are flying to HK to hang with me on my birthday. Yay!

To kick off Selene's milestone birthday month, 426 went to dinner at BLT. Yay burgers and fries. It was awesome. The only not so awesome part was that Lawrence took a video of me taking the first bite of my burger...why did I let him? I don't know!

Then we had Chinese dessert. That was cool. Nice and chill. It was a school night so I appreciated the company. Super nice of them to make time to celebrate with me.

Then we parted ways...but Nat, Hale, and I went to Laduree for macarons (yes, Laduree in Hong Kong). Hee hee hee. (It was just one each, okay? Sheesh.) I'll give it one more try...Nat and I weren't impressed.

This was a great start to my birthday month! You only turn...um...uh...24...only once!

Nope, I'm not sick!

If I refuse to believe I'm getting sick, does that mean I won't get sick?

I think my "Yay I didn't get sick the entire month of October or November despite barely sleeping and being way stressed out" was a bit premature. I can't get rid of this cough. I feel tired. I'm achy.

I've been drinking vitamin c + zinc drink every day. I exercise. I use the NetiPot twice a day. I'm sleeping more now. Isn't that enough?!?!?

I took NyQuil tonight. Maybe it'll knock me out. It's 9:30 pm and I'm in bed. But I'm not sick. Just tired.

Wouldn't it be a memorable way to mark a milestone...sick in bed. No no no no no. I refuse to get sick even if it kills me. Hahahaha.

UCLA. Check.

Is there a reason I don't feel relieved?

This was totally a group effort. 

Thank you Laura, Meredith, Steve, and Hildy for reading my personal statement.  There is still a lot of work to be done but it is at least presentable because you guys took the time to give me comments.

Thank you Nat and Dorothy for imputing stuff into my application.  You've saved me so so soooooo much time.  Thank you for being generous with your time.

Thank you April, Tiff, Hale and Joice for lifting my spirits when I felt demoralized.

Thank you Lawrence, Dicken, and Horace for the comic relief when I needed to laugh.

Thank you friends from the US for your patience and support when you had to listen to me sob about this mountain I had to climb.

Thank you mom and dad and hazel...hahahaha, is this how people feel when making their Oscar speech?  I should thank the person who gives me my lunch at the canteen and the lady who cleans our pantry too then...

"For those I didn't name, a big thank you"...hahahaha

But seriously, thanks guys for getting me through a really difficult month.

OMG.  This was only application #1.