G.R.E.

It's just a test!

Sigh.  Have you ever had the feeling that you want to get something over with but at the same time wishing you had all the time in the world?

I have been keeping up with studying but am really losing steam.  Partly because I'm distracted by a lot of other things.  Really need to take a class on compartmentalizing!

I am scoring around where I would like to be, but I don't really trust the score from Kaplan mock tests.  I am freaking out a bit because I'm starting to run out of time in the math sections.  The tradeoff between getting more right but not finishing the section or finishing the section but making silly mistakes.  The key is that I need to get the ones I spend time working on RIGHT for this to matter...

And please tell me how knowing the definition for calumny (slander) or obsequy (funeral) will help me succeed in a PhD program?!?!  I could demonstrate my acuity of mind right now but I'm suffering from a case of extreme lassitude, which may lead me to befuddle the proper usage of new vocabulary and therefore leave me discomfited.  (If there is a silver lining--I'm having a lot of fun coming up with the most outrageous mnemonics!) 

I feel anxious about the test because I feel like the score will tell me where I should/can apply to.  I know a less than ideal score should not be the sole reason not to apply to certain programs, but I can't get myself out of this box.  The rational part of me says, "Don't worry about it until you finish the test."  The irrational part of me is screaming, "This is your one chance.  Don't screw it up."

I then remind myself if God wants me somewhere, even with a terrible score, He'll make it happen.  (And conversely, even with a perfect score, I could still not get in somewhere if God wants me elsewhere.)  I just have to do my part and study.  Leave the rest to Him.  There is no reason to freak out about what may happen.  It is almost always worst in my head.  I am sure that if PhD plans don't work out, God has an even better plan for me.