Birthdays...

I love birthdays.

I actually like other people's birthdays more because it's so fun to shower someone with affection. Not to say that I only make someone feel special on his/her birthday.  It's just an excuse to make a big deal about the special people in my life!

When it comes to my birthday, I tend to think a lot.  Memories.  Past birthdays.  The last 364 days. Life. I feel many emotions.  Conflicting ones.  Happy... excited... sad... nostalgic... wistful... grateful... confused...

A lot has happened this past year.  I actually do remember the moment the clock struck 12 last year and what I was doing.  So much has changed...and yet, there are still days when I'm quite overwhelmed by what my life is NOT that I can't quite catch my breath.  BUT there are also days I'm so incredibly glad for what my life IS that I want to do a happy dance.  I hope to have even more happy dance days this coming year!

One thing that I am reminding myself of these days, though, is that I should stop looking back so much.  It's good to be reflective--we need to do that from time to time.  I know I'm a more grateful, and thus happier, person because I take time to reflect on what's happening in my life.  But I find myself sometimes using the past as an excuse to basically not move forward.  I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I become paralyzed by fear and just want to stand still.  Even settle for something that I know isn't good for me (but is at least familiar).  Talk about self-sabotage.  Is this a sign that I'm getting wiser with age...that I recognize what I'm doing?  Hahahaha.  So my goal for this next year is to stop looking back so much.  Maybe look back to remind myself of why I'm grateful to be where I am now and what I am doing with my life.  Even though half the time I don't quite know what that is...but at least I have a chance to figure things out!  I'm still learning every day to be okay with whatever is ahead.  Life really is full of surprises...

I want to stop saying "I wish I really were 24."  (I don't even think I was particularly happy at 24!)  One thing for sure is that I did not have the great friends that I do have now, who lift me up and support me in a way that I wouldn't have known how to appreciate at 24.  It's so much more than having someone tell you things will be okay or someone to gossip with.  It's hearing comforting words from someone who has gone through her own trials.  It's feeling safe enough to share my insecurities with someone who accepts me and all my quirks.  It's having someone who will sit with me while I cry and not feel the need to say a single word.  It's having someone I can feel fat with and not feel bad about myself.  It's having someone who is more excited about my success than I am.  It's having someone who appreciates the way I see the world.  I think that is the beauty of getting older.  Your circle of friends.  I am really really grateful for girlfriends, some of whom I consider sisters.  I'm also learning to be friends with men, who anchor me in a way that women can't.  lol

I'm in the midst of applying to PhD programs and it is totally freaking me out.  I'm freaked out about getting in.  I'm freaked out about not getting in.  Hahahaha.  I'm a complete idiot.  I create these giant insurmountable obstacles when I try to anticipate "what's next."  Maybe I'm just going to have to (finally) accept that I'm not clairvoyant.  lol  Maybe I need to see uncertainty as opportunity.

(Okay, being the self-aware me, it's unlikely that I'll suddenly be this chill.  But I'm going to try to relax a bit this coming year.  Feel free to remind me that I had said this...I'll just feign selective amnesia...due to old age.)

Brunch at The Pawn

The Full English

black pudding--salty...

 

First photo with xmas tree of the season!

I love December

Because it's my birthday month (yes, MONTH) and it's Xmas. Happy to be spending it in HK this year with new friends. And my family. They are flying to HK to hang with me on my birthday. Yay!

To kick off Selene's milestone birthday month, 426 went to dinner at BLT. Yay burgers and fries. It was awesome. The only not so awesome part was that Lawrence took a video of me taking the first bite of my burger...why did I let him? I don't know!

Then we had Chinese dessert. That was cool. Nice and chill. It was a school night so I appreciated the company. Super nice of them to make time to celebrate with me.

Then we parted ways...but Nat, Hale, and I went to Laduree for macarons (yes, Laduree in Hong Kong). Hee hee hee. (It was just one each, okay? Sheesh.) I'll give it one more try...Nat and I weren't impressed.

This was a great start to my birthday month! You only turn...um...uh...24...only once!

Nope, I'm not sick!

If I refuse to believe I'm getting sick, does that mean I won't get sick?

I think my "Yay I didn't get sick the entire month of October or November despite barely sleeping and being way stressed out" was a bit premature. I can't get rid of this cough. I feel tired. I'm achy.

I've been drinking vitamin c + zinc drink every day. I exercise. I use the NetiPot twice a day. I'm sleeping more now. Isn't that enough?!?!?

I took NyQuil tonight. Maybe it'll knock me out. It's 9:30 pm and I'm in bed. But I'm not sick. Just tired.

Wouldn't it be a memorable way to mark a milestone...sick in bed. No no no no no. I refuse to get sick even if it kills me. Hahahaha.

UCLA. Check.

Is there a reason I don't feel relieved?

This was totally a group effort. 

Thank you Laura, Meredith, Steve, and Hildy for reading my personal statement.  There is still a lot of work to be done but it is at least presentable because you guys took the time to give me comments.

Thank you Nat and Dorothy for imputing stuff into my application.  You've saved me so so soooooo much time.  Thank you for being generous with your time.

Thank you April, Tiff, Hale and Joice for lifting my spirits when I felt demoralized.

Thank you Lawrence, Dicken, and Horace for the comic relief when I needed to laugh.

Thank you friends from the US for your patience and support when you had to listen to me sob about this mountain I had to climb.

Thank you mom and dad and hazel...hahahaha, is this how people feel when making their Oscar speech?  I should thank the person who gives me my lunch at the canteen and the lady who cleans our pantry too then...

"For those I didn't name, a big thank you"...hahahaha

But seriously, thanks guys for getting me through a really difficult month.

OMG.  This was only application #1.

This is super duper exciting

Super super duper exciting because I'm the corresponding author.  Yep.  That's the next best thing to first author.  OMG...I worked really hard on this paper!  Let's hope all goes well and the article gets accepted for publication.

Yay!  It felt amazing to hit the submit button.  I could probably look at it for at least another day--find a misplaced comma, add/delete a preposition, change a word, etc., but I have to move on to my application...due TOMORROW! 

But first, I need to find something to eat.

"Did you get a facebook account with no one knowing?"

Hazel and I have some pretty hilarious conversations over text.  I think this one has earned a spot in the top 5 of all time.  

And the answer is, no, I definitely DID NOT get a facebook account.

I will ALWAYS root for the team playing against U$C

Back in HK

It was an uneventful trip back to the U.S.  Saw some friends and had some yummy food and did a little bit of shopping.  But my mind was on work the entire time--it was just bad timing with the manuscript due at the end of the month.  And, oh right, applications!!!

It's that awful feeling of "what should I do first" every day.  It was difficult to get a good night's rest. I was already on a topsy-turvy schedule in HK, so in a way, I was not ever really jetlagged.  lol

I pretty much spent the entire day in my room, a.k.a. my cave, and worked on the paper for two days, coming out for Thanksgiving dinner #1 on Thursday and Thanksgiving dinner #2 on Friday.  It got to be so overwhelming that on Saturday at around 3 a.m. I just wanted to cry.  But who was up at that hour that I could call?!?!  My friends in HK.  So I opened up a group on whatsapp "Pretty sure it's pms...".  Nat came on first and Dorothy chimed in for a bit.  "Remember why you came to HK...for the experience.  It's just a job...focus on your apps."  I needed the kick in the butt.  And then Hale came on, after 70+ messages.

Then 200+ messages later...Tiff added her support.  Why does it say "Wesley"?  Because Tiff doesn't have a smartphone.  She has an "iTorch"--her phone is only good for dialing out, receiving calls, and maybe shine a little light on something in the dark.  So we whatsapp her on her boyfriend's phone.  Poor Wesley's phone was exploding that night.  lol lol lol

 

Talking to them reminded me that I'm not alone in this.  Sometimes it's a little scary to be vulnerable around people...to admit self-doubt and insecurities.  Or how much I just want to quit doing what I'm doing.  To admit to active self-sabotage.  And then people let you lean on them, and borrow their strength.  Empathy.  My awesome friends in HK have taken care of me for the past two months when my schedule started to shift with studying for the GREs.  I am so incredibly grateful for their kindness, good humor, and generosity.  God has been really amazing in helping me build a social support network that has enriched my life immensely.  I am still a bit demoralized by all the work that has to be accomplished in the next 48 hours, but am feeling calmer and lighter knowing I have people to celebrate with on Sunday.  Or some other day when I need a little pick-me-up.  Yay for girlfriends!

Sogo's once-a-year sale

Nat, Hale, Tiff and I had Korean food in TST before heading to Sogo for its once a year sale.  We waited for maybe 25 minutes and it was totally worth it.  Everything was delish!  Especially the soup and noodles thing.  There's cheese inside...and the broth is soooo yummy after the cheese melts.  And really awesome beef ribs.  Yummmmmm.  We're totally coming back!

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Group picture of the night...

Can you tell where we took this photo?  Hint: Somewhere inside the Peninsula...hahahaha

It's not that crazy compared to after Thanksgiving sales

The lady in pink cardigan is holding a stack of receipts to be processed...that was just 1/5 of what we saw.  There was a line to get into the line to get into the space.  I'm not even sure how many things were actually on sale...but not sure anyone cares.  It's about getting into the space!

OMG, dumb inconsiderate Chinese people standing in the middle of the walkway, blocking traffic...
oh wait, that's Nat and Hale.

Fig & Olive

Where do I go straight from the airport for my first meal in LA?  Fig & Olive!

Prix fixe brunch menu

costinis: fig & proscuitto, almond & manchego, mushroom & parmesan

truffle mushroom croquettes

yum...I can eat this every day for lunch

Whitney, our server, remembered us from a few months ago.  She was so sweet to bring a plate of dessert crostinis after our meal.  Because she knew I absolutely adore them.  Delish!

strawberries and ricotta on shortbread

Layover in Narita

I was lucky and had a short layover.  Some people spend about 10 hours in the lounge...I guess it helps to have free wifi, clean bathrooms, free food and drinks.

All-you-can-drink sake

It also dispensed iced green tea and oolong tea

I was warned not to hold my breath for the food.  So all I did was take pictures of what's there.  There was a porridge looking thing.  Fried rice served in a bowl so small it didn't make sense to bring it back to your seat because you would have to get right back up to grab another portion almost immediately.  There were these sandwiches...but with so much mayo oozing out that I felt a little sick just looking at them.  Also sushi, but if not for waiting right by the table, I wouldn't have gotten a photo.  People swarmed the table as if the staff had brought out crab or oysters.

I ended up buying a sandwich.  Had no time to roam the airport for "real" Japanese food.

Breakfast before flight

At the Qantas lounge this morning. Who said you can't have ice cream for breakfast? (I had fruit too.)

Happy birthday Nat and Horace

Horace "Choi Choi" put to work on his birthday to get our order for the night.  He is the youngest...

We came especially for the roast pig

The restaurant was so nice to let us take pictures with the uncut pig so Nat and Horace posed with the main dish like it was their birthday cake

It was yuuuuuuuummmmmilicious

"Why do we always wait until the end of the meal to take pictures when all the food has been cleared from the table?"  (Dorothy, Tiff, me, Hale, Wesley, Dicken, Lawrence, with Nat and Horace in the front)

As if that wasn't enough food, we went for dessert afterwards...lol