God works in mysterious ways

I've been having trouble sleeping.  Yep, it's 3am.  I really should've taken NyQuil again.  The last three nights I've taken NyQuil to make sure I get at least 8 hours of sleep.  And that has really helped me get over my cold (yes, we're still calling it a cold).  I felt like a new person this morning.  Even went to the gym.  It felt really great!

I don't know if it's the cup of tea I had tonight (okay 3 cups), but I'm really wired.  I also have a song looping on youtube.  Hahaha.  It's great to be able to sing along without fear of being laughed at.  No one is here.  Yeah, I'm still in the office.  The "perk" of living 100 steps from my place?  lol  Had a tutorial this evening so I was already in the building.  Decided to get started on the manuscript revision.  And then watched clips from the Golden Globes (I miss American TV!).  And then was chatting with the girls and with my sister...then started to finish some blog entries.  Lo and behold, it's 3am.

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately.  A LOT OF THINGS.  Especially since after submitting the application to Emory.  It's a waiting game now.  Nothing else I can do until I hear from schools.  It was a momentary sense of relief, but that has turned into something like fear.  I don't know how to NOT make plans.  It terrifies me to go with the flow.  I should re-read older blog entries and count how many times I've talked about this.  We all recognize that my talking about how not knowing what's next terrifies me and I really should go with the flow...that's just my lousy attempt at a pep talk, right?  Because I keep coming back to this place.  I can't seem to let go and let God.

I got a reminder to trust God from the most unexpected person today.  April.  She said one simple thing, "Your problem is that you don't trust God."  Oh my goodness.  It is as simple as that.  I have not given it all up to God.  I suddenly felt ashamed, because April is Buddhist.  Yes, Buddhist!  She said she doesn't believe in God but she has Christian friends who told her giving things up to God will take all worries away.  My Buddhist friend is reminding me of what I said I would be doing!  Have I not run into enough walls to know that trying to solve things on my own just makes the road harder?  It was a rude awakening having this conversation with April...God works in mysterious ways.  Hahahaha.  How lucky am I to have a friend like April.  But more importantly, how lucky am I that God never abandons me, even when I stubbornly cling onto me, me, and me?  It is utterly stupid to worry so much when God already has a plan for me.