This will be the closest thing to my joining Facebook

I've flown out of LAX so many times this past year.  Last night was the first night I really paid attention to the city at night.  It's not like I won't be back.  But it felt different leaving this time.  

I probably could stay in Hong Kong for a long while with the 200 lb+ I checked-in yesterday.  I have a year's supply of floss with me.  And enough sunscreen for four summers.  And a couple month’s worth of FiberOne bars (because apparently Hong Kong does not have supermarkets).  And 15 pairs of shoes.  (Yes, half of them are black.)  I had to redistribute stuff within my three suitcases at the airport and the delta lady was nice enough to let my 72-pound and 71-pound ones go.  The third one was exactly at 50 pounds.  Hahaha.  I bet I won't wear or use half the stuff, but even that didn't stop me from stuffing yet another jcrew tank or extra binder clips into the suitcase.

I'm in Detroit, waiting for my 3pm flight.  Time is flying by!  I'm not ready to board that plane.  I feel like I should be so excited (c'mon, you've totally asked me this exact question).  It really is an amazing opportunity.  I am grateful.  Going to Hong Kong as an idea is awesome, but operationalizing it has been nothing short of sheer terror for me.  

Sure, I can speak the language, I can even read Chinese, and my parents have friends in Hong Kong that I can call on for help.  I have a place to live.  I have a job.  So what’s the problem?

Getting ready for Hong Kong has made me face many things about myself. I’m afraid of many things that I pretend I’m not afraid of, and have been hoping that no one will notice.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone… I don’t have to take into account anyone else’s schedule or life plans.  I have to take ownership of all of my decisions.  I have to make goals for myself and figure out a plan to achieve said goals.  It’s all me!  Just me, myself, and I.

And then I realize my mistake has been thinking I’m alone in all of this.  I’m not.  I’ve had amazing support from family and friends.  I know many have remembered me in their prayers.  My problem is that I keep running away from God, trying to ignore where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do.  Like Jonah.  Maybe I needed to feel that loneliness, like when Jonah was inside the whale’s belly, to really experience God’s plan for me.  And quiet time to reassess my life.  (I feel like I’m walking into a dark cave, does that count?)

This year in Hong Kong will be nothing short of an adventure.  I'll get to rewrite my story.  I'll get to experience things I never thought I would.  I'll get to rebuild my relationship with God.  I'll get to find myself.

Yay me.  (Okay, give me a couple of days and maybe I can utter it with a bit more excitement…)